Sleepless Fridays

Stressed, obsessed with perfection, the tension, got me wielding this pen as a weapon, my words are the supply crates, there's no flyweights in my division, split decisions, mind imprisoned, envisioned the world as an upperclassmen, with the detailed italian fashion, but the dreams started crashing and crumbling down, profound how i start mumbling nouns with verbs to form sentences, i tried to make sense of this, but it was more complex than photosynthesis, one hit of this rhyme saying got your mind flaying, subject to verbal beatings, defeating the neglect brought on by bad parents, incoherent due to alcohol addiction, homies who i used to high five, got wives and offsprings, friction from past lives got me thinking without stopping, friends dropping from a stray shot, caught in between the right and the wrong, but just travel on the path leading to the light, it just might take you where you wanted all along.

My dance with the devil

A burst of emotions came through when i met you, 5 foot even, petite, light skin, almost believed in love at first sight, but i sensed this artificial plight, an evil aura, worse than opening up pandora's box, the pessimistic type, but hid it deep within, unaware of how long i really been in there, under the midnight sky, when i looked into your eyes, all i saw was emptiness, tried to tempt me with your sex appeal, licking your lips, revealing your thighs, rubbing your hips, asking if i wanted to come inside, I had to deny my desire, i was in a vulnerable state, in that erotic attire, it's like you used your body as bait, was this your purpose, was it really worth it, to get a guy you barely knew, in the nude, in bed with you, I understand 1 night stands, but I can't make any sense of it on how you bring up your man in every other sentence.

Curse of Tongues

::::::: VERSE 1 ::::::::

Those ocean deep blue eyes, tried to motion me over, to my surprise, but i had to walk a little slower, cuz it's been killing me, my homies say you been feeling me, literally, i'm not believing 'em, kinda go with the flow, I've seen you before, the girl every guy adores, but later on ignore your needs, mistreating you, beating you, verbally and physically, im the epitome of a gentleman, i have friends who'll be gentle to your lonely friends, then again, this is the same trend from teen movies, with fat groupies that surround you and hound you saying they found you the right guy, that's why i never ventured to that corner, to talk and ask for that cellphone number, but when the times right, we can runaway from this limelight.

::::CHORUS ::::

The opening has closed,
hoping I rose to the occasion,
but the way in was crowded,
clouded my vision,
decisions need to be made,
or it'll be way too late,
so i'm writing this song,
it's my curse of tongues.

::::::::: VERSE 2 :::::::::

During that split second where our eyes connected, it almost seemed like we fell in love when we first glanced, this is my chance, the golden opportunity, if i dont grasp it, the moment alone will ruin me, your body's wooing me, but gotta act quick, cuz these fat chicks are viewing me, a force of habit, to get to a cute girl's heart, you gotta bypass her ugly friends, it was funny then, but that phrase carry validity, it's stupidity, despising, conniving, planning ways to get rid of me, it's a shame, but i dont take pity on people who play games, say names, blame others, and cover their tracks, simple assholes, making life a hassle, another roadblock, I hope not.

::::Chorus::::

:::::::: VERSE 3 ::::::::

Back to the program, slowjams to hold hands, out with the old plan, time's of the essence, sensing the presence of another wall to climb, trying to get your attention, but i'm out of reach, confessions of a drama queen, feeling incomplete, it was promising, our situation, but i couldn't make any moves, and you're tired of waiting, watched you walk out, without a doubt, your back facing me, i wanted to know you, and show you who I really am, but the moment had to end, i guess it's the way to be, denying my progression, it begs the question, will I ever see her again?

High!

Slit veins and wrists, an addiction similar to a cocaine fix, attempted suicide to get a high, an adrenaline rush, a psychological crutch, mixed with tylenol, alcohol, and tetrahydrocabinol, flushing the pain down the drain, just to rid it all, extreme diets, people buy it to get thin, the use heroine, foreign objects penatrate the skin, the syringe laying on the ground, sights and sound of ecstasy, but it's a recipe for disaster, sniffing glue, huffing gas fumes to get plastered, face in the sink, finger in the mouth, the nauseating factor, elating peak, but it's short-term, makeshift, kryptonite to make you weak.

Reckoning

The bullshit compliments that doesn't make sense, to the trends that descends among men to blend in, ends when, the paper route dries out, friends flock to the south like birds, it's absurd, that you need words to make you happy, ill gladly knock you back down to earth, the truth hurts, from complete strangers, the dangers of inert behaviors, but you trapped me, with the devilish ways, portayed a helpless individual, habitual liar, saying you desired my company, keep bumping me in a general direction, something you want from me, a vibe that i can't describe, sensing of obsession, licking your lips, moving your hips, using your body as a weapon, you only wanted to hear phrases of praises, let's try trading places, so you can understand the many faces you're revealing, sealing your fate, not willing to wait, i had to walk out, cuz im about to regret the things I only dreamed of doing, viewing your true intentions, i've seen the real person, it worsens each second, so comprehend, we're not friends, dont beckon me over, to write love letters to make you feel better, id rather ignore you and forget you ever existed, sick and twisted like assisted suicides, but who am I to judge, to pull the plug and say fuck you, i had enough.

Mutilate

A wall of clouds surrounds us all, susceptible to the deceptions and lies, no exceptions to Americans, a variant on the rise, that tries to be wise, but through the third eye we can see the makeshift prize, paper mache, the way it was made, fade to black, attack Iraq and win an award, ignored, sword through the heart, the only reward from the suits, to show they're not apart of this, the debacle, the card that was dealt, to topple an evil regime, the media felt it was hard to miss something this intriguing, in being at the focale point of the situation, twist on reality, a prevarication, marketing the casualities, finding a way in to weigh in on other countries' starscreams, teenagers with hand cannons, politicans clapping and grandstanding, on a war that should have never happened, but the few and the proud has to do whatever comes out of the horse's mouth, the leaders of our country, where everybody in suits are too blood money hungry.

Survival

28 days down the road, boarded up humble abode, blocking the doorway with the commode, am I going insane, virus outbreaks, bodily change, I'm not a younger stud, they got a hunger for blood, unable to run from these foreign beings, outside of the zone that was quarantined, struggling to survive, but I gotta stay alive before the dawn of the dead, hoping for some reinforcements to arrive, but I chide at that thought, cuz all efforts could lead to naught, brought forth by incompetence, gotta stay dominant, clearing my mind of any negativity, from zombies to the government trying to get rid of me, thinking I'm part of the infected, but I protected this country from enemies, foreign and domestic, people who used to be friends with me, things are just getting too hectic, the sun is about to set, shotgun aimed at the potential threat, strapped with a couple full metal jackets, and a lucky bullet if i can't hack it.

Can't let this get the best of me, rest in peace or rest in pieces, increases the adrenaline dosage, blood pumping, loud thumping, groans in the distance, they can smell the living's existence, but im showing resistance, never to give in, driven cynically crazy, this isn't a scorsese flick, im not going to be part of the departed, cease and desist, gotta figure out ways to make my escape, a slight mistake can end in my death, took a deep breath and started pondering, wandering moans, circling for the kill, banging on the window sills, still clutching the deadly weapon, prepping to spill their brain matter, glass shatters, pumped the shotgun, fired, screaming out I got one, excited, grabbing my undivided attention, more rushing the front door, moved a drawer and table to secure my asylum, bodies piling, one after another, smiling while i see them drop dead, but i got ahead of myself, im gotta stay alert, flirting with disaster, heart rate jumping up faster when they come, i have to make my exit, that's the best situation.

Running up the stairs, shotgun strapped to my back, shells across the chest, sanctuary is 10 miles to the southwest, across the railroad tracks, do I dare venture forth, set course to a new beginning, supplies thinning low, never forgetting the fact, that, if I leave this place, Ill get attacked, maybe meet my utter demise, gotta face this harsh world, hurled myself out of the window, it wasn't simple, 2 stories high through busted glass, the smell of sulfuric gas slows my actions, eyes watered, my aroma got their attraction, many innocent lives slaughtered, cannon fodder, using that as my distraction, making way through the warzone, penatrating through the defenses, over barbed wire fences, hormones going haywire, reminiscent on battles through the trenches, unaffected from the virus, this pure evil, that turns outstanding citizens to things that eat people, causing this upheavel, I ran towards this safe haven, but everything started to cave in, they were all behind me, hands grimy, stymied my advancement, they closed in, i chanced it, impending doom, holding my last bullet, placed it in the chamber, pulled it back, gasping for air, waking up in a pool of sweat.

Seperation Anxiety

It all started when his parents parted ways, demanding his attention from both sides of the spectrum, psychiatrist sessions couldn't supress his obsession, playing with hand weapons, projectile steel he wield like navy seals, it's real, evil running through his veins, changed from humble to heavy metal king, spraying high school kids in his dreams, screams of fear as life disappears from his peers, flak jackets and strategic tactics, he planned it from jump, to be called a chump, a bitch, in this day n age you got a bone to pick, sadistic state of mind as he grips the piece, canvas the campus, armed with a sawed off shotty, ready to make souls release from their human bodies.

Unknown

Wails and screams
feelin unclean,
the unwanting retention,
being held down with a weapon,
clothes stripped, exposed and pistol whipped,
pressing the forearms down,
expressing he'll do harm if she speaks,
touching her physique, weak shrieks not forming a sound,
earrings ripped from the lobes,
blood explodes,
fearing her demise,
he spreads her inner thighs,
letting out a cynical snicker,
drunk off of hard liquor,
her body flowing with his sweat,
staring at the ceiling fixture, the lights flicker,
knowing her attacker,
she wont forget,
regrets she ever met him,
her so called ex-boyfriend,
sexually abused,
body left bruised,
crying, trying to scrub off his grime,
battered face,
a crime of rape took place,
contusion around the orbital cavity,
in a state of confusion,
the emotions of pain and agony is happening to consume her,
him and friends humor each other,
spreading rumors,
until the truth was finally uncovered.

Message to an Old homie

I'm falling in the pit of flames,
calling out your name,
reaching, but stalling for more time,
vulnerable state of mind,
screeching to be heard,
but the words didn't form a ripple,
emotionally crippled,
in the middle of this collapse,
trapped, stopping you from making the mistake,
just escape,
but i was too late,
within the devil's grasp,
imprisoned,
just wouldn't listen,
turned your back on your friendship,
felt offended when your devil was slandered,
pandered you off for her amusement,
lit the fuse when you didn't answer,
you married that exotic dancer,
the cancer, ripping us apart,
you're like a brother to me,
i didn't want to see you hurt,
but this is dirt your own mother can't wash,
squash any tension in between,
known you since we were 15,
but the sands of time are shifting,
can't live in the past,
missing my friend,
but we were cast aside,
for someone who can mend his heart, temporarily,
rarity, you see a man with kids that aren't his,
a form of charity,
a man with a false plan,
needing some form of clarity.

Dark Night.

Driving up 80,
through the hazy weather,
this crazy lady driving reckless in her new mercedes,
cigerette burns on the leather,
fingers sticking together on the steering wheel,
fearing she'll jump the lane without looking,
booking it,
mentally deranged after finding her husband with another woman,
touching, locking lips,
stockings ripped,
clutching his neck,
wrecked, heart broken,
started smoking when she suspect this scandalous situation, confronted him,
demanded an explaination,
slight hesitation,
then he came out with the truth,
it's been two months,
he's been sneaking behind her back,
he was pressured and stacked at work,
he admits he's a jerk for what he has done,
but he doesn't know the outcome of what he begun,
his wife an emotional mess,
betrayed by her husband,
yet oblivious to their marriage of distress,
expressed her mood swings and the foreign object in her utereus,
she found it ludicrous that he cheated on her,
she guessed it was the best way to breakaway from the verbal beatings on her,
he dishonored their vows,
wiping the sweat of her brow,
she slaps him in the face and runs out the house,
tears on her blouse,
head in hands,
she doesn't know what to do,
she turns the ignition and starts driving without a plan.

Soul of the Departed

The cuts that bled, the tears we shed, for the last years we spent, now were heading down this path, the beginning of a story that ended prematurely, to see you grinning, I'm glad we befriended each other, we were like brothers, closest of homies, showed me the ropes, having high hopes, days on haviture way, the heart of gold, the heart and soul among the 4, neighborhood kids, playing in the streets, chilling at the crib, it was different on the block every week, in my, rinse repeat catholic school life, momma wasn't right, saying you're a bad influence, believed I'll be truant, disobedient to my elders, I had to tell her, everybody I hang with, wasn't with the gang shit, pardon my language, but this anguish lingers, numbness in my fingers, it's the stress that gets to me, is God testing me, I need to repent, goto church, but I lost my faith when I saw your casket in the hearse, on bended knee, making a plea, hoping you hear me, asking for forgiveness, but the distance between us was as far as me screaming to Venus, clenched fist, powerless, depression taken over, was never sober, binge drinking to stop thinking, held on to our memories, but it wasn't enough, a temporary crutch.

I couldn't find peace, drowning myself in alcohol, emotionally weak, for weeks, never dealt with the way it's suppose to be, trying to find closure, but the closer I came, the further everything felt, wanting this pain to disappear, and hear you say keep your head up, yet I was fed up, suicidal tendencies, apparently, i swore my friend had left me, insides feeling empty, the days grew on, I was trapped, had me within it's grasp, yet, couldn't dwell on the past, had to move on, defeat my demons, believing you're watching over us, through these changing seasons, you're the main reason I kept going with my writing, fighting through the rough times, the tough kinds, that makes any man breakdown, but I understand what's at stake now, I'm finally awake now.


R.I.P my nigga Mike.

White Squall

It started with a couple of text messages
confessing this
"Never come to an agreement
you're head's thicker than cement
another reason I'm leaving
believing your lies
that comprised 10 years of my life."
"Think about your wife and kid
God forbid on walking out
that's what I'm talking about
we got to end this relationship
because what we're facing with
is much more extreme
than things we see on the surface
this is making me nervous."
should I return this
perplexed by these texts
it doesn't take Walter Cronkite
to know she got the wrong guy
she must be the blonde type
to extort money from a guy
who drives a Hyundai
Does she know it was a wrong number
I wonder
a simple blunder can turn to disaster
faster than fire spreading in dry grass
perhaps it's best to call
to explain it all
but it led to naught
the number was out of service
I thought I received this 10 minutes ago
but it was at the pinnacle of the week
when my battery died
checking voice mails
questioning myself
"My mom isn't mad at me, right?"
first message
"what the fuck Anthony!?"
next message
"pick up your fucking phone."
message erased
next message
"Julio, I'm all alone
I wished you can come home
and hold me
is what the old me would say."
"I'm hoping today we can part our ways.
cuz it's hard to stay
to know i'm only the 2nd choice."
end of voice message.

Another Night.

Once I hung up the phone
I fell to my knees
making a plea
not to be alone
but holmes
it's been 3 years

suppressing these tears
I miss the neighborhood
your family
i wish they're good
a tragedy
nobody is ready for
the fact he'll never open the door
with a smile on his face
and taste a home cooked meal
on the real
I resorted to alcohol
thought it would solve it all
outcome looking bleak
said my magic 8 ball
bothered me for weeks
made me weak
to think I almost committed suicide
but who am I to take my life
if you were alive

you'd sock me in the gut
tell me to think twice
and keep my head up
I still go by your grave
even though that's where you lay
it's not where you rest
it's deep within our chest
deep in our hearts
if you read this
believe this
the hardest part about writing you
is you never responding

wanting to reach you with my words

so I spill emotions on the page

to open the flood gates

your memories are preserved

till I finish this human race.

Sheltered Life.

Made a broadcast
to contact the masses
beyond that
"I don't know much"
like Linda Ronstadt
making rash decisions
seeking those
who thrown stones
in my glasshouse
people ask how
it was too hot to live in
seeking a pot to piss in
steady shot like hitmen
They thought I didn't want to listen
when they tried to plot the system
a place to blitzkrieg in
control the media like PETA with vegans
we're right fuck what you believe in
from Pagans and Heathens
to Christians and Jews
the few the proud the Marines
to turn into things
like killing machines
in the Philippines
guerilla warfare
clashin religious factions
practice what you preach
cuz it's 6 feet deep to reach your god.

Nights Out

Swimming in a sea of lust
I couldn't get enough
now I can't get it up
a personal problem
is what people call 'em
trying to solve matters
resorting to the personal columns
or going to bars
I did the latter
and by far
is much easier
everybody has the usual goal
is stupid to soul search while intoxicated
People wanna get laid
with partners to complete strangers
condoms or unprotected
we all go through the dangers
and hope our dicks get erected
and believe me
whiskey dick is not an invitation
to flick the shit
or coarse masturbation.

Ask

Lusting for this married chick
My envious ways
grows larger day by day
it's hard for me to carry this
stating the fact
weight on my back
seeking opportunites to bury it
6 feet deep
into a grave pit
but I'm trapped on this slave ship
moving further away from land
from that hand reaching for me
those wonderful eyes
beseeching me to return
but I had to burn the bridge
it's not my turn to wreck homes
God forbid, if you had kids
I couldn't live with myself
now it's etched in stone
let it be known
I was too curious
flying too close to the sun like Icarus.

You Got Misched

Escorted to the bank teller
by half naked chicks
instead of a gun to the head
I'm being held up by huge tits
loose lips, and me being stupid
all pressed against my back
yes, defenseless when it comes to that
but the joke's on her
been broke all summer
shit, for the past three years
spoiled her for one night
now I'm punching folks for a sandwich
on bumfights
now I'm on this one mic
dedicating an ode to the pretentious females
who're sending me emails
in explicit details
on how we, the male gender, failed.
you can siphon my gas
take my money
but I'll have the last laugh
cuz I gave you herpes =-X

Rigamortis

Gripping the wheel
hitting the horn
trying to rush a red light
why so nervous
cuz of that person?
he's dead right?
that's what I thought
riddled from gunshots
skin blotched from sunspots
put shades on him
but this ain't weekend at bernie's
this was your attorney
he said he can settle your debts
instead he settled with your ex
in a grotto in Cabo
spending money like tycoons
that you won in the lotto
this is a lot to take in
aching for some payback
plotting and scheming
as they layback
sipping on vodka martinis
wait for their arrival
reading over every vital step
must be executed properly
they pull up on the driveway
doors slam
they arguing
you make way to their property
suddenly she drops her keys
you've been spotted
everything you plotted
has gone to shit
switch to plan B
pulled the glock out
there's nothing to talk about
no emotions
just bullets spraying
ex shot in the head
attorney 3 shots center mass
he might be alive
throwing him in the passenger side
of your ride
can't feign death
he taken your money and your ex
in the same breath
throw the body off the cliff
with the vehicle on top of it
yelling at his corpse
you're really giving him an earful
too bad he can't really hear you
finally turned green
think everything is alright
until the cop pulls you over

for having a broken tail light.